By Bhoomija Singh
This article is designed to explore the complexity of the salient social issue; of parentification and the effect which it may have on children who have experienced it in their early stages of life. It has been argued that parentification is not necessarily bad in all its aspects since it can provide the child with a range of life skills; conjecturally aiding the development of maturity levels, However, the question remains, should youthful children have to experience parentification learning to be more mature at such a young age, and, whether doing so shapes them into an additionally capable person or leaves them with a lifetime of trauma?
The general ideology of being a “good” parent consists of creating a caring, nurturing environment for a child to grow and develop. Therefore requiring an adult or guardian figure to provide support and primarily, in the broadest of terms, “give” to their child. However, this idealistic situation is not always as common as hoped and instead, the roles in a parent-child relationship may be reversed resulting in the term parentification.
An adequate supply of unconditional love, shown through provisions of necessities and mental support is greatly fundamental for the healthy development of a young child. Any hindrance to this can compromise the behavioural health of the child in later years of life and interfere with their ability to maintain stable relationships in the future with others. It refers to the idea when a child takes on a role that should be taken by the guardian figure, whether this be because they feel obligated to do so (perhaps through emotional blackmailing) or are forced into completing such tasks (potentially under false pretences).
Parentification can occur as a consequence of a plethora of factors, some of which may together cause the issue or in some cases, it may just be one. A key factor is if the parents are divorced or separated. Reasonably so, such a situation can place immense emotional stress upon the singular parent that has custody of the child/children whether this be for the inability to comfortably cope with household expenses or deal with the divorce and the consequent emotions caused. Similarly, concerning the idea of household expenses, the economic instability of a household can contribute significantly to the origin of the parentification of a child. The parent may have to work extra hours to merely earn just enough to provide for the family. Therefore, the children receive less parental support and instead may find themselves spending time with social workers, at extracurricular clubs or can impendingly foster the need for the (oldest) child to look after themselves and/or their siblings due to the absence of sufficient attention and the intensified responsibility engendered upon them. The factors mentioned above primarily occur as a consequence of unfortunate circumstantial situations but parentification can also furthermore occur as a result of the parents themselves being in a state of mental instability. They may choose to look towards alcohol or drugs in the form of drug abuse, or consciously make the decision to neglect or abuse their child. Growing up in an unloving household especially surrounded by abusive substances most certainly is bound to have a myriad of egregious effects on a child primarily being they have to provide and fend for themselves.
The two main types of parentification include: emotional and instrumental. As previously touched on before, a prerequisite responsibility of a parental figure is providing emotional support, however, if they are experiencing mental difficulties themselves they may look towards their child for emotional support themselves. Consequently, the child (especially if of a young age) will experience a large burden upon them which can become overwhelming, potentially inducing a feeling of guilt or helplessness within the child. On the other hand, instrumental parentification considers the fundamental physical tasks that a parent must fulfil to provide their child with a safe and comfortable childhood and is instead placed in the responsibility of an inexperienced young child. Examples of this incorporate tasks such as cooking meals for the whole family regularly being expected to manage the household, or working to help pay the bills. This form of parentification can be classified as “parent-focused” parentification which essentially consists of a child carrying out duties that a parent should complete themselves or seek help with from other adults.
Similarly, the other form is sibling-focused parentification. When a child finds out they are receiving a younger sibling they expect a companion, not someone they have to take care of as if they were their child. Tasks categorised as being sibling-focused include the following; being the central caregiver towards a sibling who may require increased attention due to a medical condition.
Following on from this, if a child is brought up in this kind of environment it is inevitable for there to be greatly damaging negative effects which is the dominant view shared amongst many. One of the effects that has been noticed and studied to observe whether there is a significant correlation is the effect on the academic performance of a parentified child. It is believed that due to the relinquishment of the parental role that the child then has to uptake as well as the pressures that come along with it, a child can be left with a lower mental capacity thus hindering their ability to focus on schooling and furthering their personal development via academics. For example, a study (Cree V. E. (2003). Worries and problems of young carers: issues for mental health. Child and Fam. Soc. Work 8, 301–309) illustrated how those who were parentified due to an ill parent who required them to step up into the role of what was frankly a caregiver, struggled significantly to cope with the workload from school/college.
Alternatively, another study was conducted by Chase N. D., Deming M. P. Wells M. C. (1998) who when interviewing some females discovered that their experiences of parentification in fact fuelled their desire for academic success. This could potentially be due to the high level of responsibility experienced at such a young age which never disappeared as they grew older; or even the strong desire to be successful and achieve financial security to never feel as they did when they were a child. Undergoing less fortunate circumstances (especially at such an early stage), can be vital in helping one to discover what they wish their life not to look like in the future, in turn providing motivation for escaping it for yourself and promising not to create that sort of environment for their own family perchance.
Therefore, parentification’s influence on academic achievement is one of severe complexity and can be concluded as dependent on the circumstantial situation which caused the parentification initially.
A notable mental impact of parentification is the effect on coping mechanisms and the ability to deal with one’s own emotions. Since the child that has undergone parentification grew up with their parental figure leaning on them for emotional support, it is highly likely that they are unable to do the same to others. Instead, it is credible for them to appear as a supportive figure to others in their life and always encourage them to open up but will rarely do the same, as the concept perhaps feels foreign to them or they never quite felt like they could. Taking this into consideration, parentification can cause difficulties in developing healthy, open relationships due to the persistent need to be self-reliant in addition to an increased sense of low self-esteem. This may occur due to the lack of attention and care shown towards them by their parents and so they may not feel worthy of receiving such care from other people in adulthood either.
Children are influenced incredibly and essentially entirely by their surroundings due to their impressionable nature. Hence, parentified children are likely to learn all they know about parenting via that which they have experienced in their childhoods or lack thereof. In that event, this makes it crucially noticeable that if they do grow up and choose to have children of their own they may find themselves feeling out of their depth or lacking assurance in how to raise a child. As a result, over-parenting may occur in the case that a surplus effort is made to appease their child’s needs and be the “perfect” parent they wish they had themselves.
Nevertheless, despite parentification harbouring numerous detrimental effects, some aspects of it can be arguably helpful in the long-term development of a child. For example, the increased sense of responsibility can seek an appraisal from other adult figures as being highly mature and intelligent for their age. Also, albeit not in the most appropriate manner, parentification can introduce a child to a majority of life skills and thus increase their competency. However, this can only be considered positive if it doesn’t inhibit the child’s growing mindset by instead exceeding their abilities, which will only result in further stress and pressure. To prevent this, a parental figure must provide appraisal and appreciation to ameliorate low self-esteem levels, providing further encouragement for the child.
Likewise, when a couple of aspects are taken into consideration, parentification can prove to be a positive outlet if done in not an extreme manner. Firstly, and most importantly in order to limit parentification whether it be intentional or accidental, a key action that must be undertaken is identifying boundaries within the family and deciding on what is appropriate for a child to do. For example, a child managing household finances cannot be deemed acceptable under any circumstance, and this needs to be recognised. The maintenance boundaries must remain the utmost priority to ensure that a child is not burdened with an unhealthy amount of responsibilities that go far beyond their capabilities.
Secondly, if the parental figure feels as though they are not in the correct emotional mindset or physical state to provide for and raise a child then they should seek help perhaps from social workers or a hospital in order to still allow for the child to maintain a somewhat normal childhood. This may be difficult to achieve especially if the guardian is unwilling to admit they need help but it is certainly an increasingly large step towards the reduction of unhealthy parentification. Accessing help allows for the family to receive the support it needs minimising pressure on the child but also in the long-term helping the development of a healthy familial relationship.
In conclusion, parentification is a social issue for which it is imperative that awareness is increased as for a large majority of the time, people are unaware of their own parentification experience when looking back retrospectively but also perhaps unintentionally parentifying their children. Whilst, it is a complex issue which in some aspects does arguably aid the development of a mature, capable child, the manner in which this is achieved is detrimental to the child’s mental health. Therefore, it should be done so within boundaries and only once an appropriate age is reached when a child needs to start becoming increasingly independent.